"It just wouldn't be a picnic without the ants"

Exchange is very much a roller-coaster; it has its ups and downs. Some people might have more ups than downs, or vice versa, but all of us experience it in some form. I want to post about it, not to worry anybody or give the impression I am not enjoying my time here, but to be realistic, and to be able to get the words out of my head and put them somewhere else so they are not so heavy in my mind.

As of late, there are a lot of things I miss from home. Some are stupid things that I used to hate or had not even given a thought to before. Like rain, loads of rain, and going to a football game after school with my friends (even though I'm not really a football fan). 

I think what I am having the hardest time adjusting to at the moment is how difficult it is to hang out with friends here. It seems overbearingly formal to me. Although, I am so used to home where we would just knock on each other's door and ask our friends to come out and play. Or calling friends to hang out whenever. Going to friend's houses, the park, or even just walking around. It doesn't have to be anything special, or planned out at all. 

Here plans are made days, or even weeks in advance. It's very planned out and organized; the location, time, activity, people, etc. Additional to that, since we live in a city and hanging out at one-another's house is not so common, most things that my school friends do for fun cost money. Being an exchange student who only has so much money per month, much of which I have to save for necessities, this kind of sucks big time. A few times I've had to decline friend's invitations because of this. 

Since it is so different for me, I get kind of stressed or frustrated with myself when it comes to trying to make plans or ask about hanging out. I want so badly to hang out and become better friends with my school friends,  so I know I need to just get over it. 

Another thing that has been eating at me a little is that I miss my family quite a bit. More-so when I am sick or having a rough day. It's not the I-need-to-go-home kind of homesick, It's just different having them with me everyday for 16 years and now I can only see them every once and a while via skype. 

I think I took a lot of things for granted before I left. Things like being able to sit with my mom and talk whenever I wanted, being silly with my "Brostar!", and just joking and laughing together.

I always thought I would get through my exchange saying I didn't get homesick, but the truth is I do sometimes. 

But that's okay. 

I understand now it doesn't make me weak, or unhappy with where I am.

I am homesick because I love my home and the people that make it my home.
I think finally being able to admit that to myself makes it easier to deal with.